SOCIALISTS GO APE

This is brilliant. In one creative and strategic move, the socialists have managed to come up with yet another special protected victim group that they can champion; and at the same time they have found a population on which they can practice their next social experiment! You might vaguely recall that the last big experiment managed by this group resulted in considerble death and misery for the species that was foolish enough to let them practice their variants of dialectical materialism upon. But that is soooo 20th century! And pre-postmodern.

In this brave new world, our new victim group will undoubtedly all be gently expected to register to vote as Socialists. In the U.S., they can join the Democratic Party which specializes in the downtrodden (marching in solidarity with the socialist fringe); and works very hard to keep the downtrodden down and trod upon so they'll continue to vote for Democrats. It is a symbiotic relationship.

And consider this: why settle for being multicultural when you could be multispecial (even the word evokes the fundamental rightness of the concept!)

As the press release notes:

"Today only members of the species Homo sapiens are considered part of the community of equals. The chimpanzee, the gorilla, and the orangutan are our species's closest relatives. They possess sufficient mental faculties and emotional life to justify their inclusion in the community of equals."

But since we know from experience that some are a bit more equal than others; the new members of our community of equals will welcome the benevolent overlords who have their best interests at heart and only want to make sure they get their fair share of the pie. They'll probably work real cheap at jobs no human would like to do For a preview, check out how useful the zombie dead are at the end of Shaun of the Dead. I think most of the zombies shared 100% DNA with humans!

Jeff Goldstein notes that we humans actually share even more of our DNA with mice; so in all fairness, maybe that species should be granted rights by the UN first.

Perhaps their love of cheese and mazes would qualify them in the community of equals? You could check out the details of their mental faculties and emotional life with Slartibartfast.