HOTEL CALIPHORNIA

Thanks to Gagdad Bob for the idea and challenging me to run with it! He has also contributed several lines and the final verse! Thanks, Bob!

HOTEL CALIPHORNIA

On a dark desert highway, adopted by CAIR
I was passing through Mecca, on my way to Bel Air
Up ahead in the distance, within the simmering blight
I said a prayer and made the sign of the cross--
Something just wasn't right.

I heard them chanting in anger,
'Death to the infidel'
And I was thinking to myself,
'These guys are praying, but this must be hell!"
Then this girl in a burkha, silently stood in my way
More prayers coming from the mosque,
I thought I heard her say...

Welcome to the Hotel Caliphornia
Such an ugly place
I can't see her face (it's a deep disgrace)
They're blowing things up at the Hotel Caliphornia
All throughout the year
Girls know what to wear

Her mind is Mohammed-twisted, she got the Bin Laden flu
She wears a veil and the Qu'ran tells her just what to do.
If she has any questions, she can ask the Imam.
If she wants to wear color, she can strap on a bomb

So I questioned the Caliph,
And asked him how could this be?
He said, 'I have wondered the same thing now since sixteen eighty three,
When the Ottoman army kind of lost its way.
We're still reliving that past
Even to this day...'

Welcome to the Hotel Caliphornia
Just the kind of place
For a master race.
The shari'a is nice at the Hotel Caliphornia
It is blasphemy
Just to think, you see.

Virgins in a black room,
But you can't afford their price;
And one said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device.'
Then the grand ayatollah,
Decreed I should die;
And when he issued a fatwa,
I thought I heard Allah sigh.

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To a faith without the gore
'Relax,' said the Imam,
We are programmed to believe.
You can convert any time you like,
but you can never leave.

UPDATE: The latest cartoon from Cox and Forkum seems appropriate.