Monday, July 16, 2007

BE AN IMAM ! (And Make Others Do the Martyrdom Schtick)

In honor of Osama's pseudoreturn, I offer up this song tribute to his enduring malignancy (whether he's dead or not--but see next post for more discussion of that):


(This song is from a new musical, The Little Cave of Horrors, home of jihadi theater; and the favorite hangout of one badass alien lifeform known as OBL. It is sung to the tune of "Be A Dentist" from Little Shop of Horrors)

When I was younger, just a bad little kid,
My mama noticed funny things I did,
Like beheading puppies with a very sharp knife
I'd poison my sisters, and my brother's wife
I'd find an infidel and bash in its head
That's when my mama said

What did she say?

She said, "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay!
You'll be an Imam
You have a talent for causin' things pain;
Son, be an Imam
Allah'll rewards those who are inhumane.
Your temperament's just right for this religion
And Islam's already a mess...
Son, be a Imam
You'll be a success!

Now here he is, folks, the leader of Al Qaeda!
Watch him as he channels Darth Vader!
Allah be praised!
He's an Imam and he needs lots of martyrs
To blow people up and act piously crazed!

Will it hurt? What about virgins?

Oh, shut up. Quit whinin'. Be happy you've been chosen to serve.
Let me do the opinin'...

I enjoy the career that I picked
As an Imam
And I get off on all the pain I inflict
I get off when I cut off a head.
It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted
But it sure don't cause me no distress
'Cause I never have to clean up the mess.
And, somewhere in heaven above me
I know, I just know, that my mama's proud of me !
'Cause I'm an Imam and I'm a success .

Say Allah!


Say Allah!


Say Allah!


Now blow!

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