The Pirates of the U.N.

I've received a lot of emails requesting that I do a separate post of the Gilbert and Sullivanesque take on the UN Oil For Food Scandal. Glad you like it! So here it is again, with apologies to G&S (and thanks to one of my commenters for suggesting the title!) Sung to the tune of "I am the VeryModel of a Modern Major-General" from the Pirates of Penzance:

I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A SECRETARY GENERAL

SECRETARY GENERAL ANNAN:

I am the very model of a Secretary-General,
I specialize in matters both nefarious and criminal,
I know the heads of every state, preferring those inimical
to all the freedom-loving institutions democratical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters philosophical,
And implementing Marxist theories surely is most practical;
About Oil-for-Food, I'll stonewall anything that's new,
And keep on hiding facts about the way we scammed the lot of you!

ALL:

And keep on hiding facts about the way we scammed the lot of you!
And keep on hiding facts about the way we scammed the lot of you!
And keep on hiding facts about the way we scammed the lot of you!

SECRETARY GENERAL:

I'm very good at making statements quite ridiculous;
Pretending that the money from Saddam was quite miraculous;
In short, in matters both nefarious and criminal,
I am the very model of a Secretary General.

ALL:

In short, in matters both nefarious and criminal,
He is the very model of a Secretary General!

SECRETARY GENERAL:

In fact, when I know what is meant by "integrity" and "honesty",
When I can mumble all my lies with obvious sincerity,
And keep the free world all locked up in its myopathy,
And when I know precisely what they mean by my "psychopathy";
When progress has been made treating antisocial personality,
When I know more of leadership than Kerry knows reality--
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental management,
This Secretary General will say much more than "no comment".

ALL:

This Secretary General will say much more than "no comment"!
This Secretary General will say much more than "no comment"!
This Secretary General will say much more than "no comment"!

SECRETARY GENERAL:

Though my knowledge of dictatorships is sly and somewhat dastardly,
I think I will support them with great joy in this new century;
And still, in matters both nefarious and criminal,
I am the very model of a Secretary General!

ALL:

But still, in matters both nefarious and criminal,
He is the very model of Secretary General!